THE BLENDED FAMILY
By Michael Roy
We’re sure you’ve all heard the saying, “The family that prays together, stays together.
Well, we can only begin to tell you how true this is. The bible teaches us in Matthew 18:20
that where two or three are gathered together in the name of Jesus, there He will be in the
midst of them. Many of us have been taught that once you are married it is for life, and
rightly so. (Matthew 19:6) However, due to the hardness of men’s hearts God has
permitted divorce due to adultery or desertion by an unbelieving spouse. In most cases
divorce leads to remarriage, which in some denominations is frowned upon, because men
have misinterpreted Gods word to fit their uncaring, unloving, unmerciful doctrines. We
have experienced this rejection first hand but have found God’s word to be true in this
situation also. Matthew 19:26 says, with men this is impossible; but with God all things are
Yes, it is true that it’s not in God’s perfect will that we should divorce but because divorce is
a reality His grace is extended to us in remarriage. Praise God. Statistics show that 60% of
remarriages fail due to several issues such as: unresolved grievances with the first spouse,
finances, trust issues, family bonding, etc. We do concur that these issues must be
addressed in order for the new marriage to succeed. God advises us to cast all our cares
upon Him for He cares for us (I Peter 5:7).
As we began our new marriage we had no concept of what the term “blended family”
meant. We thought that because we were Christians and loved one another “we” could
make it work. That was the problem. Even though we didn’t recognize this fact at that time,
we’ve come to realize we were trying to blend our families apart from God, when His Word
clearly states that apart from Him we can do nothing (John 15:5).
The word “blend” in the dictionary means to combine into an integrated whole or to produce
a harmonious effect. Based on these definitions, who can truly say they have a “blended
family?” Our hearts are now convinced that only the love of God is able to take a marriage
that is full of confusion, contention and selfishness, which are all works of the flesh and
replace it with love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness
and self-control, which is the limitless fruit of the Spirit, to produce the truly “blended family.”
So let the Lord build the house
We did not begin to experience true love and peace in our family until we made the
decision to obey God’s word. The first few years of our marriage were difficult to say the
least. Our lives were unstable because we were attempting to bring two different families
under one roof, while at the same time living under two sets of rules. There was also the
guilt of leaving children behind in the prior marriage and the fears of wandering if this
marriage would work. We also had to adjust to becoming step-parents, selfishly we were
uncomfortable trying to make anyone else happy while knowing our own children may not
be happy and I’m sure its all a result of not doing things the way God originally intended.
Certainly, If everybody got saved and everybody got married and stayed married and
stayed faithful to the word of God, then we would not have half the problems we experience,
but since we’re not perfect and have all sinned, our adversary is able to use our faults
against us if we allow him. We recognized we were powerless to cure our issues, which
lead to insecurity, frustration as well as a since of hopelessness. As the husband I was no
place close to being the spiritual leader that God required me to be, therefore prayers went
unanswered and problems persisted. Now I know through the revelation of God’s word that
I am expected to render service to my family as a way of serving the Lord. Scripture
teaches husbands to let the word of Christ dwell in us richly in all wisdom, teaching and
admonishing one another in psalms, hymns, spiritual songs and to dwell with our wives with
understanding, giving honor to the wife, as the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together
of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. (Colossians 3:16;1 Peter 3:7)
Once I accepted my responsibility as the spiritual head of my house God began to set
everything in order: my wife and I began communicating better and my family has become
a family that desires to honor God in every area. Amen.
We now refuse trying to live this life on our own, but will only trust in the ability of Jesus
Christ who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above anything we ask or think. When we
put our trust in Christ it gives the Father great pleasure to know that we walk in the word.
We now understand that unless the Lord builds the house they labor in vain that build it.
(Ephesians 3:20; 3 John 1:4; Psalms 127:1)
Complete only in Christ
We serve a loving, gracious and merciful God who loves us despite our weakness and in
fact sent his only Son to die for them. So, if you find yourselves having fallen short of God’
s perfect plan for your lives and need to get back on track just remember Christ is the
essential ingredient to the blending of any family. Colossians 1:16-17 says, “ For by him
were all things created, that are in heaven, and that are in earth, visible and invisible,
whether they be thrones, or dominions, or principalities, or powers: all things were created
by him and for him: and he is before all things, and by him all things consist.